A Relationship Hack, Brilliant Raunch, and Line Dancing

Welcome to your weekly potpourri of wisdom bombs, recommendations, and updates.

1 Wisdom Bomb

Wisdom bombs = life hacks—usually stolen from people who are smarter than me.

Here is my top relationship hack. It has turned down my personal asshole quotient immeasurably. It’s called Reflective Listening.

Next time you find yourself in some interpersonal conflict, don’t just jump into defending yourself. Take a beat and repeat to your partner the essence of what they have said. When people feel heard, their nervous systems relax, so reflecting is basically giving a massage to the other person's amygdala. Once you’ve reflected, then you can jump in with a defense—or an apology. In this way, the situation is much less likely to spiral out of control. To be clear, reflective listening isn’t just for arguments. You can use it all the time. People love being heard. This technique slakes the primordial human thirst to be understood.

To learn more about reflective listening and other communication skills that have utterly transformed my life, check out How to Speak Clearly, Calmly, and Without Alienating People | Dan Clurman and Mudita Nisker

2 Fixations

I’m constantly falling in love with shit (meditation/dharma/happiness-related and otherwise). This is where I’ll endeavor to convert you to whatever benevolent cult I’ve recently joined.

• Shoresy, on Hulu. During the pandemic, I became obsessed with a sitcom called Letterkenny, a quirky and profane show about life in a small town in Canada. I love art that immerses you in a world to which you would never otherwise have access. Bonus points if it makes you laugh.
  
  Shoresy is a Letterkenny spin-off, about an aging, foul-mouthed hockey player. It’s fucking hilarious. And it also features some excellent indigenous actors who give the show a depth and texture that may ultimately make this series superior to its predecessor.

• Lapvona. A novel by Otessa Moshfegh. Also raunchy, but in a much darker way. Not an easy read, but brilliant.

• This clip: I wish I were free enough to dance like this. (I love the clip not only for the dancing but also for the vivid demonstration of the power of community.) Last week’s guest, Sarah Cooper, got me close to dancing; it wasn’t pretty.

3 Pod News

• Speaking of the pod, we had Alex Toussaint on the show this week. I take his classes all the time on Peloton, where he is a senior instructor. Especially his club bangers class. One of the many things I like about him, aside from his incandescent charisma, is that, like my meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein, Alex also teaches in pithy catchphrases. Listen to Alex’s episode here.

  
  

  

  Alex Toussaint and me making the show

  
  

• Also, another experiment we’ve been running on the show is called Deep Cuts, a new feature where you, the listener, get to choose your favorite Ten Percent Happier episode from the archives. It’s simple. Just give us a call and leave a voicemail that includes the episode you want to hear and, in a couple of sentences, why this episode hit home for you. Call +1 508-656-0540.

Upcoming Events

• I’ll be in Armenia, NY at Troutbeck doing a talk with Q&A and meditation. This event is for anyone - experienced meditator or just curious. Tickets are $30-$45 and available here via EventBrite.

• I’m told there are a handful of tickets left for the meditation party retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York. It’s October 13-15 (so, tomorrow). If you can’t make it in person, you can sign up for the live stream.

• On Friday, November 3rd, I’ll be at Mile Hi Church in Denver, leading an interactive presentation on “the next public health revolution” – meditation. If you can’t attend in person, there are tickets to livestream the event, too. Get your tickets here.

• Join a special 4-Week Mindfulness Evenings Program (Oct 25 - Nov 13), designed by Sharon Salzberg and Peoplehood, to explore themes from Sharon’s latest book, “Real Life: The Journey from Isolation to Openness and Freedom.” I’ll be part of the capstone session. Spots are limited. You can find more information here.
  

  

  4-Week Mindfulness Program with Sharon Salzberg

App

In celebration of Sharon Salzberg’s new book, Finding Your Way: Meditations, Thoughts, and Wisdom for Living an Authentic Life, we’ve made her excellent course on loving-kindness, 10% Nicer, free in the Ten Percent Happier app until October 23.

Check out the Ten Percent Happier app today and get started for free.